If France falls, all of Civilization falls with it.

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Doff your caps, gentlemen...

My child attends one of those elite pre-schools on the west side of Los Angeles. It is, perhaps, among the most desirable pre-school in Los Angeles. Not necessarily for the children, but for the parents. Bragging rights and whatnot. Terrible anguish if "Madison" doesn't get in, etc.

At any rate, there was a holiday show put on by the children, in a building attached to the school. Parents attended the mid-day performance. Everyone was dressed appropriately with the exception of a few of the "A" List parents.

What the hell is the world-famous, highest-grossing director of sentimental pap in the world doing with a bloody baseball cap on his head whilst seated in the church pew for the duration of the performance? What's his creepy wife doing with a wool knit cap pulled down past her eyes? Do they not know that this "look" makes them stand out? It's been pointed out to me that this is entirely the point. That the baseball cap is this slob's signature "uniform." Contrary to what one would imagine, such a look isn't a disguise but a signpost. Can this possibly be true? Hey bro, there's nothing worse in my book than having the resources to kit yourself out paired with the inability to do so. You get an "F" in aesthetics.

In addition, another celebrity violated the "don't stand up and take pics until the end of the performance" rule. He too was wearing a baseball cap. He's gonna block everyone's view now? Is he so full of hubris? Has he been so enabled by sycophants and yes-men that he doesn't think the rules apply to him?

Standing-up-in-everyone's-way-and-block-the-view-of-all-the-other-parent's wife has, in the past, the annoying habit of wearing dark sunglasses indoors. Inside the children's playroom while reading scripts. Why? Do you think people are going to recognize you? Bother you? No one cares. Preternatural parental love of children trumps supernatural obsession with celebrity. How can you possibly even read with those dark glasses? Are they prescription? Maybe you forgot your contacts at home? Or are you just annoying. I hope for the former but fear it is the latter.

You people are entitled swine. You'll be the first to go when the Revolution comes.

P.S. Ditch the baseball cap and seek out hats from Lock or Bates.

Edu-Babble Part II

Another silly phrase from the education business. The phrase "life-long learning" reads like fund-raising copy, as in "we pride ourselves on preparing our students to be lifelong learners." Perhaps we should file this under "no shit." Especially as one could point to countless uses of this phrase in conjunction with a school's supposed unique or special philosophy. Los Angeles's over-priced and hyper-class-inflected private schools exhibit this tendency to an annoying degree. By definition, every educated person is a "life-longer learner." The whole concept is a fuzzy, feel-good tautology. It's as meaningless a phrase as "we teach kids, not subjects." It's self-important. And it's empty. The real problem is that neither the teachers nor the students, not to mention the administrators (who are business people) care to inculcate themselves or others with the principles under which the educated mind discerns or makes judgment. So good luck with "life-long learning." Sounds more life-sentence.

Lifelong learning. Everyone agrees that people must have the ability to adapt to changes in technology. Buggies gave way to automobiles, and the typewriter gave way to the word processor. Therefore, people must indeed have critical-thinking skills to solve their problems. Hirsh is worried because "the dominant progressive tradition has made a fundamental empirical mistake in believing that these general competencies do not depend upon the accumulation of knowledge and vocabulary, and in believing that transferable lifelong competencies will arise naturally from 'holistic,' integrated activities."
- E D Hirsh on "Lifelong Learning."

I Can't Believe These People Live Like Kings

I can't believe these people live like kings
Hidden estates and diamond rings
I'm a rat out on a mission
I'm in your front yard under suspicion

CLICK

Life is the Crummiest Book...

In my alley around the corner,
Theres a wino with feathered shoulders,
And a spirit giving head for crack and she'll never want it back,
Theres a little kid and his family eating crackers like thanksgiving
And a pack of wild desperados scornful of living.

CLICK

TAG! You're It!

Apparently no one wants anyone else to be it anymore. I've come to feel that these arguments are as disingenuous as those made by parents who advocate that children should "share." Especially when made by the very same parents who, either by necessity or bent, are so competitive and acquisitive, especially so that they can afford the over-priced elite private pre-schools and the fleet of "child-care specialists."

From the New York Times, Dec 14., 2007.

School Recess Gets Gentler, and the Adults Are Dismayed

By Alison Leigh Lowan

MONTVILLE, Conn. — Children at the Oakdale School here in southeastern Connecticut returned this fall to learn that their traditional recess had gone the way of the peanut butter sandwich and the Gumby lunchbox.

No longer could they let off their youthful energy — pent up from hours of long division — by cavorting outside for 22 minutes of unstructured play, or perhaps with a vigorous game of tag or dodgeball. Such games had been virtually banned by the principal, Mark S. Johnson, along with kickball, soccer and other “body-banging” activities, as he put it, where knees — and feelings — might get bruised.

Instead, children are encouraged to jump rope, play with Hula Hoops or gently fling a Frisbee. Balls are practically controlled substances, parceled out under close supervision by playground monitors.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/12/14/education/14recess.html?_r=1&oref=slogin&pagewanted=print

Enough with the Crocs, already...

There's this species of west side parent who's been infected with the horrible aesthetic of the Croc. Like the Birkenstock before it, this shoe is supposedly favored for its comfort, but really its just a slap in the face of good taste. Favored by those post-hippie granola-munching righteous attendees of the Farmers Market in Santa Monica, or those obscenely wealthy and entitled alterna-Dad's who haunt the west side, the shoe is for the tasteless and the emasculated.

It's particularly egregious to see a parent, with children in tow, and to discover the entire family shod in these plastic blobs. Andy Warhol said that the most bourgeois thing was to fear looking bourgeois. I say that the true revolutionary is the Man in the Brooks Brothers Suit because in many senses a conservative aesthetics is today the most revolutionary stance possible.

With that sentiment in mind, I'd like to suggest classic, timeless alternatives to the Croc. These are suitable for men and women. These looks especially look good on a beautiful woman because the classic, simple and plain design provides a blank slate for beauty.

Among these classic icons of casual elegance are the Bass Weejun and the LL Bean Camp Moc, though I think that due to the offshore labor and cheap material of these once iconic designs, the alternatives offered by New England companies of Alden loafer and Quoddy Canoe Moc are superlative. I also think Russell Moccasin Co. makes the best Camp/Canoe moc.

I also think the Sperry Topsider is going to make a come back. It will grace the New York Times Sunday Styles Section within 9 to 11 months. But like the Weejun, the Topsider is no longer the quality it once was. The smart money knows that Russell currently makes the best boat shoe.

A Second Coming of FDR

I'm so sick of phony, caviar lefties with their token gestures.

I'm sick of the fact that there are children and elderly in this country who are going without adequate health care and shelter.

This season, let's remember all the poor, the weak, the sick and the powerless who you climbed over to get to where you are. I hope you can sleep at night.

We need a second coming of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who remarked "We must lay hold of the fact that economic laws are not made by nature. They are made by human beings".

Edu-Babble Part I

Edu-Speak is rife with phrases that mean little or nothing. That are based not upon fact, but upon ignorant speculation or mis-use. Like the one below which has, as far as I can tell, no basis in science. The field of "education," like the field of "sociology," is one of the most dubious of academic disciplines.

Multiple intelligences. This is psychologist and author Howard Gardner's substitute for IQ. His theory suggests that there are seven domains of ability under which every student can learn: linguistic, logical-mathematical, spatial, musical, bodily-kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal. Hirsch says that Gardner's claims are not supported by mainstream research in psychology. Since these classifications are highly subjective, it is difficult to see how teachers could easily identify and teach to these "intelligences." Nevertheless, the theory has gained popularity among educators because it comfortabley coincides with already existing theories of "individual differences" and "individual learning styles." A distinguished psychologist, George A. Miller, claims that Gardner's specific classifications are "almost certainly wrong." - E. D. Hirsh's Glossary of Education Terms that Every Person Should Know.

Conversation at cocktail party

40-Something dad: "So, what your child-rearing philosophy?"

Me: "What?"

40-S-D: "What philosophy do you follow? You just gotta check out RIE. Have you heard of it?"

Me: "No." (I lied).

40-S-D: "God, I thought you'd have a philosophy."

Me: "I do. It's called: survive & thrive."

40-S-D: "What's that? 'Get out of my way kid'?"

Me: "Sometimes."


Then this half-wit asked me where my child went to school. I told him. And he had responded with a knowing yet somewhat envious look. He told me that his child went to a school with a WASPy-sounding name that happens to be anything but, and that they weren't happy with it. Why is it that all these progressive schools take on the trappings of tradition without the substance?

And then the conversation drifted into the fact that he and his wife had recently begun to see a therapist to prepare themselves and their existing child for the "trauma" of the next child, who would be born soon. The therapist told him to be prepared for his child to act strangely in the company of a new sibling.

Oh, we've turned a corner! What progress! Child-rearing philosophies! Therapists to prepare us for the onslaught of future progeny! Disposable income to be spent on uselessness!

Curious George Goes to Jail

I like the old-school Curious George books written by H. A. Rey. George smoked a pipe, wore coat-style pajamas, carried a rifle, jumped off an ocean liner, wrecked havoc in a hospital, stole several things, incl. balloons, fish, and a yellow hat. And he went to jail. They don't write 'em like that anymore. Children's books today are banal and trite.

Overheard at the Nail Salon

Westside Woman to Vietnamese woman who speaks about thirty words of English:

"Yeah, so my husband and I just returned from the 'SC/Arizona State Game, and this time we drove, and it was so stressful, and now I really don't know about driving out to Palm Springs to see my mother, but since you always give good advice, what do you think?"

Vietnamese woman:

[odd look]....[silence]...[and finally], "you want callouses removed?"

Overheard at the Park

Mom 1: "Oh we just have to take the kids to a cooking school in the Palisades."

Mom 2: "Yeah, that's what all the parents are doing these days."

How Can Hell Be Any Worse?

Click.

In this world today there ain't nobody to thank,
Just blame it on the kids and toss 'em into the tank.
And if they yell for justice we'll hide them from the light
So that when they learn the truth they won't be scared of the night.
(1, 2, 3, 4)
Put the key in the hole when you get home from school.
I'll be home by 8:30, your father will too.
If you cause any trouble then I don't want to see,
'Cause you'll go straight to bed and you won't have no TV.

"Kids" v. "Children"

From the late, great man-of-letters Kingsley Amis, who had a better built-in bullshit detector than most:

Kids
This word for children, labelled an Americanism by COD, was until about 1970 entirely colloquial and conversational, with no special overtones. Then it started to become a teachers' and educators' term for schoolchildren, feature in the boast, 'We [in our dedicated way] don't teach subjects, we teach kids.' It now turns up in serious places like the letters page in The Times, if that is a serious place. Kids in this sense will fade soon, though not soon enough to suit me.

My objection to its 'committed' use is not to be traced, I hope, to my being snooty, old-fashioned, old or British. No, this use carries a strong hint of being down-to-earth on purpose (see Belly). It condescends to children and robs them of their dignity in just the same way as it denatures an Italian, say, to call him a wop.

To me, dubbing children kids out of policy recalls the affected chummy docking of Christian names for public use at the head of articles and such and even at the foot of letters to The Times. Let me be the one to decide when if eve to address you or refer to you as Chris, Ken, Dave or Jim.

-- from The King's English (1997).

Free Range Babies

Check out these Freaks.

I heard about this group first from one really annoying mother at the children's park. You're supposed to allow your child to roll around like an animal. I've noticed, to my delight, that children brought up in these systems usually like to haul off and slug their parents. Of course, they're just expressing themselves. Which can only be a good thing. Rightly so.

Another freak I talked to (these types are invariably educated, upper-middle-class white men and women) advocates of "free range child-rearing." Diapers are an oppressive system of control. All forms of restraint must be removed. Boundaries are instituted by the parental class as a means to restrict the development of the child. At the same time, these parents must hover over their children or squat down in the sand box and play with them. It's instructive to consider other cultures and how they approach the oversight of their children. In France, for example, the parents sit on benches smoking Gitanes and Gaulloises. If they're watching their children play soccer, perhaps you'll hear an occasional "Bravo, Jean-Paul," but that's it. But none of this over-the-top "encouragement" so that "Ashley" or "Ringo" can get a little self-esteem. And as for playing in the sandbox? Forget it. Nothing's worse than a grown man trying to fit through a series of rings on a jungle gym.

This Free-Range advocate also claims that the entire Enlightenment is a built on the foundation of the oppression & exploitation of children. This is allegedly evidenced in the theories of John Locke and Jean Rousseau. When this person mentioned her thesis at a party one night, she was unable to provide any evidence, and instead merely continued to drink heavily. If I recall my ol' histoire, Rousseau had something like ten children, whom he disowned or at least to whom paid very little attention. But Jean-Jacques's ideas have travelled widely. Not only do they form the backdrop of a childish primitivism in progressive education on the west side of Los Angeles, but Pol Pot and various African dictators owe a debt to Rousseau for insight into the effectiveness of raising children's armies.

Had we more time, it would be interesting to consider when the idea of "childhood" came into being. As far as I know, childhood itself is an "Enlightened" idea. In the meantime, I'd ask you to consider why various parenting groups wish continually to reinvent the wheel?

The denizens of upper-middle-class Los Angeles spends tens of thousands of dollars getting pregnant or preparing for pregnancy while their fecund counterparts in Appalachia bear no such burden.

These parentings groups are apparently cutting-edge think tanks that are ready to sweep aside over two-thousand years of Western Metaphysics because mommy takes yoga and daddy wears crocs. Do you really think you have any insight into epistemology that hasn't already been uncovered? Do you really think that you discovered a new method of parenting? You 30 and 40-something parents are an embarrassment. You're almost as bad as the baby boomers.

He doesn't wanna be a doctor or a lawyer get fat and rich.

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